How do you get them to go?

Your child has indicated that they need to go potty, you get them there as quickly as possible, they sit down and…nothing happens. So you agree that it must have been a false alarm. You get them dressed and off they go back to whatever they were doing. Sometimes only a few moments later, sometimes ten minutes after, you hear a familiar cry or they walk back to you their face crestfallen because their pants are wet or they are walking awkwardly and you know and your nose confirms exactly what has happened.

What can you do? Well, lets get one thing clear up front, you can’t force them to perform when they are on the potty. And the more pressure you put on them the more unlikely they are to relax enough to let anything happen.

Allowing them enough time is important. It will take awhile before they automatically equate the potty with the sensation of peeing. Just as they needed time to register that a certain sensation indicated they needed to go potty and they combined this with actually getting there, again it may take some time before they put two and two together to act when they arrive.

If you think about it, probably the worst thing you can do is stand over them. Would you like it if someone stood looking at you while you went to the toilet? It wouldn’t make you feel relaxed that’s for sure. So why not get them all set up and then say that you just need to check on something and you’ll be right back. Stay within earshot so that if they feel scared or need help then you’ll be able to quickly help them. Or busy yourself doing something in the bathroom. It could be just straightening the towels – something you’d perhaps never normally fuss with – but it may be enough to just take the focus off exactly why you are both there together in the first place.

You could try giving them a book to look at while they sit but resist the urge or any requests to read it to them. It isn’t bad to read to them while they are sitting on the potty but you don’t want to set up a routine that relies heavily on your involvement because it will all fall apart if someone else is caring for them when they need to go or you are busy when the urge arises or you are out and don’t have any books handy. As with bedtime, keep the process as simple as possible and then it will be easy for anyone to replicate.

If they are feeling bored then it would be better to encourage them to sing a song that they know well or you could invest in a potty that plays tunes like the Tinkle Toonz musical potty. When you are away from the house away from their potty get them to sing or hum it themselves.

Another tip if they are having difficulties is to get a chair or step where they can comfortably place their feet. Having their legs dangling over the edge means they need to tighten the sphincter muscle to balance and makes it more difficult for them to relax.

The main aim is to make using the potty as stress free and relaxed for your child as possible.