All has been going well with your child’s potty training. You are having few accidents, your child seems to understand what is involved and more importantly what they need to do. This may go on for a few weeks, a few months, possibly even a year and then you find it all seems to fall apart.

This is exactly what happened to my son. He had been doing really well. Either taking himself off to the bathroom or telling me he needed to go. We had a good system going both at home and at the home of a carer where he was looked after during the day. But then he started at a pre-school and everything went out the window. I was sending two changes of clothing each day and they kept asking for more. He wasn’t making it to the bathroom at all. It was all just too exciting and too new for him to cope with. It was as if potty training, a skill he’d only recently acquired, just couldn’t be accommodated in amongst all the other newness he was experiencing.

The same thing happened with my other son when my second son was born. That was more due to a lack of attention – in hindsight I can see that we were prepared to shepherd him through the process until his brother was born and then expected him to just get on with it. Well he did. All over the house!

No doubt you have a similar story to tell. So what can you do?

* Be patient. It’s not easy to accept what feels like a backward step as we quickly become used to the new way of things, but try to remember that there usually is a reason for the regression and it’s unlikely that your child is being deliberately naughty. If you were feeling overwhelmed, for whatever reason, I’m sure you’d want understanding from those around you rather than punishment or disapproval.

* Find out the reason why your child has regressed and see if you can do anything to alleviate the situation. If it is a new school that is the issue, try talking to the teacher/carer about it and work out a solution together.

* Go back to basics and take your child every 30 minutes or so (or whatever schedule you first used).

* Get them to help with the clean up but not as punishment, more to teach them about the consequences of their actions and instil in them a sense of responsibility for their behaviour.

* Start a new potty training calendar if that worked for you in the past.

* Give out lots of encouragement and praise when they do get it together. Highlight the successful small steps your child maybe making like telling you when they need to go even if they don’t quite make it to the potty in time. Their confidence is probably a bit low so think of ways to give them a boost that makes them feel proud of the other skills they have mastered and reinforce that it is only a temporary setback, they’ll regain their skills soon.

* If this regression persists, perhaps it is worth a visit to your physician to make sure that there are no physiological reasons for the regression. For example, a bladder infection could be hampering your child’s toileting efforts.

* If your child really resists potty training then maybe it is worth backing off for awhile and re-starting the training again in a few weeks or months time. Perhaps they just weren’t completely ready the first time around and this is their way of letting you know.

* Put the fun back into the process again. Sign up for our ‘Make Potty Training Fun’ emails if you haven’t already (sign up is at the top of this page on the left hand side) or if you already are a subscriber dig out your old emails and go through them once again.


The same goes for you – don’t be too hard on yourself. You and your child got it working well once and you can do it again. Think of it as another one of the many parenting surprises you’ve encountered and subsequently overcome.