There is a lot written about when to begin potty training but not so much about when not to begin. The reason why is important to know when not to start is that timing is crucial to the success of potty training. Most articles about timing focus on your child’s readiness to commence training.

But it is not only your child that needs to be developmentally ready to begin, you need to be ready too. That means you need to select a time when you are in a stable environment both emotionally and physically. A time of high stress in the family is definitely not the time to throw away the diapers. I’m sure you’ve already noticed that if you are stressed that stress translates through to your child without your having to say anything specific about what is causing you so much angst. Children pick up on the vibe of what is happening around them, particularly what is happening to you and your world, and react accordingly.

So what qualifies as high stress?

* starting a new job – if you or your partner is starting a new job then you’ll want to delay training until things have settled down and everyone is feeling more secure.

* a new addition to the family – looking after a new baby is a demanding job and a time of uncertainty for your older child as they adjust to the new order of things. They may feel as though they are being directly replaced as the baby of the family with the move to get them out of diapers and quite rightly, may object vehemently. You may also think that you can’t deal with two sets of diapers but remember potty training, in the early stages at least, is far more demanding of your time and patience than zipping through a diaper change, which you’ve already done countless times before.

* marital difficulties or divorce – if a parent has moved out or there is a lot of uncertainty and stress then don’t exacerbate the situation for your child by placing extra demands on them. Wait until things settle down and you can give your child’s potty training the focus it needs.

* relocating – with a move your child’s home, which for many young children can seem like their whole world, has changed and so it is definitely not the time to begin potty training. Not only because you don’t want to worry about accidents in the middle of sorting out where to put the furniture but also because everything is unfamiliar for your child and potty training would be just another uncertainty to add to that list.

* a death in the family – your child may not be fully aware of what has happened depending on their age but if say they are three and do understand that Grandma or Grandpa has died and that that is something that happens when you get older then they may well resist the idea of growing up for awhile and see potty training as an extension of that.

* new carer or child care centre – better to allow your child time to settle into the new routine provided by a new carer or child care centre before ditching the diapers.


In summing up, times of uncertainty within a family are not the time to put extra pressure on your child to master a new skill. They will be feeling the stress and will need extra reassurances that everything is OK not demands to master some new routine. Many parents find that a time of high stress can lead to their child’s toileting regressing. Better to put off beginning until both you and your child are feeling secure and comfortable in your environment.