If trying to write a story isn't hard enough with the kids playing tug of war with your sanity, then trying to write a story and potty training is. Have you ever wished that you could just snap your fingers or wiggle your nose and 'zoopie' no more poopie bottoms? I do. I've shamelessly tried it. Heck, at this point I'd try or wiggle anything- if it would work.

It seems this round of potty training has been far more difficult than my previous two adventures. This time around has been an exhausting job all in itself. My trainees- twin boys. Two tumbling rounds of tornadic terrors who have just decided to put a mind deafening meaning to the word 'tantrums'. And that folks, will be a whole new story. Now back to the potty training and my attempt for a little Romance writing.

Potty Training, a hazard?

The blinking cursor stalls silently as I try to gather my proceeding thoughts. The ones I had just before the shrieking scream of one of my sons as he was being pulled off of the potty chair by his hair. On the other end was his impatient twin brother dragging him with his pull-ups around his ankles, and the fight for the throne begins. My status as mom trying to desperately write a scene for a Romance novel turned to referee in a flat second. As I try pulling the boys apart I'm repeating a sentence over and over in my head and out loud. Only later to forget that perfect scene I was about to create for my Protagonists.

Tip: If you have Twins, get two potty chairs. It will save your sanity in the end. And your other child will keep the hair upon his head…
It's times like these when I wish I had two potty chairs. It never fails, when one tries to go the other thinks he needs to go. But then I think 'If I had two potty chairs, they'll never go at the same time'. Go figure. So ya deal with it.

Go Flush! Go Flush!

Your scene is coming together; the weather is rough, as you paint your story to life. You often say aloud 'Go pee-pee on the potty', 'Big boys go on the potty', 'Hey! Who's got the stinkies?'. Many times you find yourself writing a sentence or two then blurting out one of the above phrases and then get up to go on a double potty trip to the chair that is so fondly fought over. After business is taking care of the fun part comes along. Flushing. The race to the bathroom starts. I walk behind with the detachable potty as the struggle to be first carries on. It's like watching two bare bottom football players beat the hell out of each other on hopes of getting the ball. The one behind pulls the other back by his hair and t-shirt and begins to run only to trip and fall with his brother clinging to his leg. Deafening squeals rock my eardrums as the leg clinger chews on the leg he holds hostage. I interfere with skill and grace. One screaming boy on my hip the other turning the door knob and a tilted empty potty bowl in my hand. Just wonderful. So there I stood with the same screaming boy on my hip, the same boy at the door knob and a sopping wet right shoe with
a turd on top.

Tip: Never try to pick up a toddler with a full potty chair bowl, no matter how good you are.

Things got back to normal finally. I could sit back down and write a little Romance. Or so I thought. When I went back to do some editing this is what I read.

Dirty Little Whispers

The chilling wind was piercing. Darting upon her skin. She pulled her coat closely around her as she continued to walk briskly up the sloshed damp walkway.

The sherbet swirls in the sky mingled with the cherry clouds, slowly darkening to a reddish blue. The night was bringing on colder winds, but it didn't stop her from smiling as she reflected on the evenings events. Something she's fought so hard to stay away from has been engulfing her like a pool of quicksand. Sucking her under like a rabid shark with his last meal. Evading her thoughts with spine tingling numbness- and she's liking
every bit of it.

Stephanie neared the door and a smile flirted widely across her lips, just to diaper when she felt a large hand cover
her own. Her body froze. Fear tickled her mind and for a brief minute the world stopped. She felt the heat from his body as he stepped in behind her pulling her to his chest. Something felt familiar as she leaned into him. It wasn't until he spoke that she relaxed, nearly letting her knees give out from under her.

'Didn't mean to scare you' he whispered trailing his lips around her ear. She let her head fall back under his chin, smiling, she said shakily 'Don't let it happen again—or I'll'

'Or you'll what?' Jake asked teasingly.

Stephanie turned to face him 'I don't know, but I'll think of something' she said pointing a finger at his chest, then turned and started walking towards the door.

'And you're going where?' he demanded following close behind. She looked at him with a smirk 'our date is over pretty boy, see you tomorrow'.

'You're just going to leave me out here in the cold?'
'I've got work in the morning- and it's late….'

'And it's only 9:30 at night Steph, you normally stay up till-'

'Quit whining, I'm only flushing your bowl. You can come in.'

Smiling at the thought, Jake regrettably replied 'I'd love to, but I'm flying out at 6:00 in the morning. Still gotta pack, make sure my uniform is ready and all.' Stephanie walked to him with her bottom lip puckered out, 'Oh- I forgot about that, but you'll be back the following morning-'

'Yeah. It'll be a short trip' Jake pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. She slid her arms under his jacket and around his waist.

The cold air taunted around them. Teasing through their hair, sending chills through their bodies. Only drawing them closer together. Jake nuzzled her neck sending waves of goose bumps down her back. His warm breath delighted her skin as his kisses sprawled her neck. The cold night disappeared; the annoying winds had calmed, the warm kisses were enough to melt the snow surrounding them. His lips found its way to her ear bringing alive the woman she had once been.

All of the control that Stephanie had enforced over the years slipped away with his sweet subtle words. His teeth gently tugging her ear after each sensuous word that set her body on fire-

'Pee-pee-in-the-potty, Steph' he whispered. She looked up at him taking his face in her hands 'yes--- Jake, yes' she panted as she kissed him hungrily. They were in their own world as evening joggers trotted by leaving a distant echo of their steps sloshing in the snow. The occasional vehicle zoomed by leaving them alone once more.

'We should go inside Jake- I'm stinkies' she shivered against his lips. Jake pulled her tightly to him, 'Mmmm—I want to, I really do. I need to get going, there's a lot to do still.' He looked down at her biting the ridge of her nose lightly. 'Why don't you come home with me and I'll pack you in my suitcase.' He cocked an eyebrow then wiggled them both making her smile.

And so, there is more. But it gets a little racy.

Tip: Always proofread. Especially if you have a lot on your mind.

In the beginning I thought that potty training twins would be easier, in the sense of one going the other would have to too. I figured that they would learn from each other, kind of bounce off each other. In a way they do, but for the most part they don't.
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Eventually, we'll succeed! Until then I'll just sit back and laugh at the 'not so funny stuff at the time stuff' that they do.